Something shifted when I became a mom. No I am not talking about my hyper emotional and sensitive state of baby blues and later postpartum depression. Even during that time of suffering, I found myself to be more eager to complete goals than ever before. It was my own way of saving myself from what I believe could have been a very dark road.
What was interesting was the insensitivity I was receiving from individuals and surprisingly, individuals in the social work and mental health field. Friends and acquaintances who I thought would be the most understanding of all.
For example, upon my return from maternity leave, I was pretty upfront and honest about my experience with the baby blues and before I can complete my sentence regarding my postpartum depression, I received a response from a co-worker that went like this, “glad you snapped out of it”.
By the way, this was coming from a mom of three children. I was certainly hurt but also realized why baby blues is not talked about during pregnancy. First, I think most people truly wish no mom will have to go through the horrible emotional response called the baby blues to hormonal shifts after birth. Although percentage of women who get it is significant. Second, because the baby blues last for about 2-3 weeks after birth, it is such a brief amount of time compared to all of motherhood so naturally it gets forgotten. There is so much more good moments that eventually tip the scales from the negative and sadness of the baby blues to funny and happy moments.
But regardless of all of that, as a mom, I found that I was ready and willing to not give up. I found that I became stronger and my motivation to complete goals I once perceived as not attainable for me overtook the negative tape running through my mind. I used to teach a Shame course to women in substance use treatment that teaches techniques on how to change that tape. And I myself fall to this negative tape on a daily and even hourly basis.
Oh the negative tape that is running through our mind, it spews out shame and is like the devil pushing you down so you never even try to get up.
My negative tape after birth told me that no one would ever find me attractive again, not even my husband. It told me that I was never going to get my body back, it was going to stay floppy. It made sure I looked at my stretch marks every day noting how they have not faded and probably never will. Forget the beach, you will never be in a two piece again.
A friend and coach told me recently that when these negative thoughts would enter her mind, she would say the opposite of the negative statement over and over and over until the thought was gone.
Although this is something I struggle with because sadly it is not instinct. My instinct is the negativity tape playing while I try to quite it with other things, distractions really.
Remember mamas, our perception of ourselves is not the same as how we are perceived by those around us. It starts with us, how do we perceive ourselves.
Commenti