It took me some time to understand why I missed being pregnant so much. In fact, I mourned my pregnancy. I truly felt a loss and I grieved it. I certainly did not have a "perfect" pregnancy, not since I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes at least. But regardless of that, I felt stunning. Being pregnant also made me feel seen, literally! But it was a good kind of seen and I enjoyed every moment of it. I loved my belly, the way I felt and the way I looked.
And do not get me wrong, I love my little guy, I cannot imagine life without
him. But reality is, he is no longer inside of me, he is out in the world and I was left with what felt like a shadow of what I looked like. I would look in the mirror and cry, cry at my stretch marks that appeared at eight months of pregnancy and at my lower belly which felt like jello at the time. So yes I mourned my pregnancy; the stunning, beautiful feeling was no longer felt.
I would tell my husband I am going to take a shower. I do not like to cry in front of anyone so the shower is my go to. Lets just say I took a lot of showers those first weeks in my postpartum recovery.
Mamas, give yourself time and speak to those around you that you trust about how you are feeling. Cry how ever many times you need to. This too shall pass.
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