Certainly we are living during strange times in the era of COVID-19. Smiling while our mouths are covered, maintaining 6 ft distance everywhere we go, and that alcohol smell in every store you enter. But as a first time mom during pregnancy and postpartum, it is even weirder.
First, during pregnancy, everyone seems to be so respectful of your boundaries and maintain their distance. I remember when the pandemic was confirmed and the lines were so long at every grocery store. When someone would see me, they would automatically let me stand in front of them, even elderly men and women, they would give up their spots for me. It is sad to say that I do not get the same treatment as when I am with-child. But that is okay, I enjoyed every minute of it. What I did not enjoy was the isolation. In a time when I wanted to show off my belly and take lots of pictures, no one wanted to risk being outside in a group or in close proximity.
Then comes birthing which requires a whole post on it's own - stay tuned for that.
Finally postpartum. Those first few weeks are not just rough because as a new mom, you are exhausted! But you are emotional and learning something new every minute about your baby and honestly more about yourself. Baby Blues is a very real thing, take it from someone who did not believe it was and I certainly never thought it would happen to me. I was in shock when the symptoms began and was a little pissed that not one mom I knew told me about their experience with it. Moms came forward after I expressed my feelings and concerns.
But I get it. No one wants a pregnant woman to be scared or fearful about her first few weeks as a new mommy. But I can't help but feel like if this was normalized, if we talked about it as a part of recovery because 70-80% of women experience baby blues at a minimum. That is pretty damn significant. So how come it is not talked about more?
I found that when I talk about this issue to this day, it is waived like it was a common cold and I got over it. One co-worker recently told me, "glad you snapped out of it", snapped out of it? Good thing I didn't tell her about the postpartum depression that has currently replaced the baby blues.
I think one significant issue currently is obviously COVID. Take someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), add a pandemic, pregnancy (which comes with it's own anxiety and concerns) and throw in a quarantine where you can no longer relieve your anxiety and stress that same way you used to. That is a lot on that individual.
During my six week check up, I remember my provider asking my if everything was "alright". In which I responded to "yes". She had a check off list that included mental and physical health questions. Basically, are you bleeding at a concerning rate and are you going to kill yourself. When both those were answered with a somewhat accepted no, my postpartum visit was completed. I remember asking her if she was going to do a physical examination to make sure i was okay and healed. Her response was astounding: She responded with "Well, have you had sex" and "I can check if you want me to".
I am sorry but what!? I can check if you want me to? Also, how is having sex the standard by which we assume a female is healed after naturally birthing a baby.
Since that checkup, I have made sure to communicate every detail to each provider, status of mental and physical health with examples and extreme detail. No I have no plan to kill myself but my postpartum depression is causing some distressing thoughts. No I am not bleeding but I still feel like my belly is not where it should be. Yes they get irritated but checking off on a piece of paper after a life changing experience such as birthing is unacceptable.
Mamas, we are in control of so much more than we think and we can ask any question or request anything we need that will help us or support us in any way so please do not shy away from it, it can save your life.
As always, please reach out via any outlet you would like. We have to support each other. COVID or not.
Resources: https://www.postpartumdepression.org/resources/statistics/
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